Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
