I wish life had little blips of pornography
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
