Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
false alarm, still single
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
