If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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