I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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