I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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