He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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