i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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