well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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