We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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