That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
