She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
