Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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