Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize