I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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