OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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