In the future we'll all be gay
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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