we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
