I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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