thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
