if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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