I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
