1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
