he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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