just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
