I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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