Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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