I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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