evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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