ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am one with the molecules
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
