I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
