I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
