My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
