just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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