So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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