So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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