we're chasing vodka with high fives
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
