Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
