I must be too annoying 4 u.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
