Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
