I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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