What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
