DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
