i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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