Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
