I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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