when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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