the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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