She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
