i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
