u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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