A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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