i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
