remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
