just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
