you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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