Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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