i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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