Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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