this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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