New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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