Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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