i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
