I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
