i don't plan on having that self control this summer
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
