Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
