Where is the hickey?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
