my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
