I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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