She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
