I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
