hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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