Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
