I accidentally had phone sex last night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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