i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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