Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
