you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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