so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love you.
Bad choice
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