I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You may now shotgun with the bride
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
