Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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