Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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