If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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