She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
