Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
