He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We had to coat check the pizza.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
